The Art of Zombie Spotting: How to Stay Alive

Back around six months ago when all of this zombie nonsense began, I had a much harder time telling apart a walker, or zombie, from a human. Now it is a piece of cake, because I know what symbols and signs to look for, but back then it was much more difficult. I almost got myself killed a couple of times mistaking a walker for the living. On the other hand, I almost impaled my neighbor’s little daughter with my pool cue stick thinking she was amongst the undead. She came hobbling at me and groaning after her family had been attacked by an undead hoard at the park. She was the only one that escaped, but she had been bitten, securing her demise a couple days later. Nonetheless, I would have felt worse than anything imaginable had I killed a human—a child, no less. That is why I quickly learned what symbols to look for when distinguishing between living, breathing, survivors and bloodthirsty, walking corpses. Crooked walking and cocked necks, moaning without speech, and decaying flesh are a few of the more major signs to watch for when differentiating between the two.

Remember to always keep one thing in mind when confronting the undead. They use to be human…just like you and me. In this respect, zombies and humans look much alike. A walker’s clothes may be bloody, dirty, or tattered, but be careful not to thrust your billiard cue stick through its skull due to a few minor holes in its jeans or a filthy shirt sleeve. You may hastefully be killing someone that is actually still breathing. Instead of focusing on their clothes, pay more attention to the way they move towards you. Any sporadic movement or clumsiness, such as heavy limping, a crooked walk or gait, or a cocked neck, is a warning sign and should be approached with murderous intentions. And if they have their arms outstretched towards you, as if trying to grab and bite you, then do not hesitate…attack! Unless someone has a death wish and is playing a foolish prank, you are dealing with a walker, for certain.

Moaning and lack of speech are two more surefire signs of the undead. Again, do not go off “half-cocked” and start firing away if someone approaches you and says nothing. They might just be acting cautiously. Also, someone in considerable pain might be moaning for help, not moaning for a meal. However, always approach with extreme caution and announce yourself loudly. Once you have spoken, chances are likely that a person will respond with words. A walker will not. Moaning, groaning, and all out silence are undead symbols not to be ignored. Pair a moan with outstretched arms and a limp, and you are staring at your next undead victim, provided it does not get you first.

Decaying flesh is a more obvious tell-tale symbol, although you must be quite close to a zombie to determine whether you are looking at rotten, decaying tissue or scratches or simple wounds. A deep laceration encompassed by dried blood and bruises may look bad, but it does not mean someone is dead—just hurt. However, if half of someone’s face is peeled off, yet he does not seem to mind and still gives chase, then bury your pool cue stick deep into its forehead, finishing it off for good.

Decaying flesh should also tell you something else vital to taking out your cannibalistic opponents. None of a walker’s internal systems work. Their Central Nervous System, respiratory system, endocrine system, digestive system, and all others shut down permanently, allowing them to survive on only the simplest of brain activity and the instinct to feed to survive. Since the only things that technically, and partially, work on their bodies are their brains, you must cease all brain activity to kill them. Massive brain trauma, whether it be by spear, crow bar, pool cue stick, a bullet, or whatever else is contained in your undead arsenal, is the only way to permanently kill what is technically already dead.